Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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