I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
