He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
