I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
