Small penises have feelings too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
