Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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