he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
