...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
