just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
