It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
