it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
