I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
