He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
