shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
