Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
