she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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