I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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