you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
