I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
