My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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