Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
