You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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