Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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