I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
