I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
