i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
