I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
