Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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