i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
