PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is her dick bigger than yours?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
