Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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