so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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