he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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