I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
