It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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