do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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