i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
