I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
