wat bout pragnant strippers??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
