Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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