I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
