You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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