Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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