Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We left the knife in your bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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