You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
