Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
