The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
