i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
