HIV tests are more positive than that guy
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
