um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
