the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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