He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
