I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
