I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
