from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
